It was two weeks ago, when a group of digital drifters conceived the idea of an activity to resuscitate the spirit of using IRC. A brainchild of ‘LaAdlA’, rest of us chipped in where we could to create what you now see as the first ever IRC Uno Tournament!

To our utter surprise, people turned out in flocks to play and/or witness the first round of the tournament.

We had an excellent team of administrators coordinating every match. Rules were enforced, players were spirited and we had an absolute trailblazer of a first round with some wonderfully contested matches and some shocking upsets!

Here are a few highlights of the Sine missione (The first round of IRC UNO CHAMPIONSHIP 2020!)

Dauntless
MATCH A: DAVID VS GOLIATH (Raheel Vs. mystique`)

Raheel is one of the oldest, unanimously respected figure on IRC. Legend has it that behind his cool and apparently harmless demeanor, there is a sleeping giant with a sword as deadly as any as IRC has ever witnessed. With fierce renown, Raheel was pitted against a relatively “unseeded” player, the mystical mystique` in the first round of IRC Uno Tournament 2020.
On paper, there was no match at all as we all expected Raheel to reciprocate his programming sekhel into a victory in UNO as well. A true specimen of David vs. the Goliath… Lest we forget, David actually won against Goliath, the gaint… and Uno is a relentless game to predict!
The IRC world witnessed a stunning upset with the insurmountable idol of Raheel came crashing down at the whims of the ‘Mystiqual’ David!

Winner: Mystique / Final Score: 2-1

MATCH B: BEAUTY & THE BEAST (Exquisite vs. ̶̶G̶o̶r̶g̶e̶o̶u̶s̶ Hideous)

Exquisite is one of the very few women on IRC who are revered by friends and foe alike. She is the ‘Face’ of #Span and I personally hold her in extremely high regard as she grows in grace every day.
I have dedicated an entire article on lovely lady which I will soon republish on this forum as well. Stay tuned…!

Oh… and btw, Hideous won, to her utter euphoria. You should’ve seen her… I mean, if an 80 year old lifeless hag was capable of having a wet dream, that would be like Hideous/Gorgeous relishing her win, LMAO!
And seriously, if you really enjoyed her victory, you probably are the kind of person who laughs his ass off whenever his fart bubbles the bathtub!

MATCH C: 24 HOURS OF LE MANS (LaAdla vs NeoOo)

Anyone who has watched Ford Vs. Ferrari would know that 24 Hours of Le Mans is an endurance car race which goes on for 24 hours in a single day. It is a test of precision, passion, ambition and sheer conviction to steer a super car at 200 miles an hour for 24 hours. Those are not men racing those machine, those are GLADIATORS and Oh my holy God, didn’t we witness the same Gladatorial Sacramentum when the giants in LaAdla and NeOo collided; and without any exageration, I can still feel the bloody goosebumps, I shit you not, gentlemen!

This was by far the longest, and most dramatic match of Round 1, which to me as an automotive person in real life, felt like watching James Hunt’s legendary McLaren racing at 300 miles per hour against Lauda’s Ferrari! Totally orgasmic, I almost felt turned on by the amount of testosterone flying around in this match, hah!

NeOo, coming as the relative underdog against the founder of this Uno Tournament, hardly felt like a match on paper but boy o boy, what a fight he put up in the end. Definitely the shock of the tournament thus far but an excellent match by both players!
This is the kind of match which defines the spirit of this entire activity and both of these gladiators deserve plaudit for providing us with a spectacle which will live in our memories for a long time!

Congrats to NeOo! and kudos to LaAdla for the brave resistence, you’re a fighter & you will live to fight another day!

Final Score: 2-1, but it was more like 1.51 to 1.49, such was the competitive nature of this incredible battle between these two gladiators, both of whom are people’s champions!

MATCH D: CONQUEST OF VALHALLA (SoniZz vs. dhoop-chaaon)

Viking were fearsome raiders of Eastern Europe, largely active from 8th to 11th century AD. They were dreaded for pillaging, raiding, looting, orgies, spouse sharing and other morally/sexually deviant antics. War was their religion; to die on battlefield was the ultimate glory for a viking warrior. Any warrior, man or woman, who’d fall on the battlefield would go into Valhalla, a paradise of vikings, where he would party with his ancestors… forever!

Just a short background to put things into context, before i come to point

For those of you who did not know, we had a viking representation among our ranks in the Uno Tournament, whom we all know as SoniZz of Oldstone!!
Hailing from Norwegian snow deserts, this woman was raised in war, FOR war, be it Uno or IRC or anything else! And when an unseeded dhoop-chaoon was pitted against her with her winning the first game without breaking a sweat, there was only one way it was going to turn out for the fearsome viking? Right?
WRONG!! SoniZz suffered defeat in battle 2 and 3 of the match. By the time battle was over, she was beheaded and quartered. Her torn body sent to 4 corners of IRC, to serve as a warning and her head was placed at the gates of UNO Castle!
She lost, 2-1, to Dhoop-chaoon… but now makes her inevitable journey… to Valhalla.. where a royal feast awaits, to pay homage to the life she laid on the battlefield!

MATCH E: THE SCORPION & THE BLACK MAMBA (Ishkaa Vs. Salaar)

The Scorpion Queen aka Ishkaa is not to be messed with, for behind her charming countenance, lies a beast in carnage! Its that simple! I know it from experience, while spending 5 hours exploring her subconscious during the first interview and yet walking away with nothing but sand and nostalgia. Such is the consummate nature of her resolve!
Salaar on the other hand, is not new to competition. A seasoned player of many contests like UNO, PubG and poker, Salaar was always going to be a formidable opponent.
The match was relatively one sided with Salaar taking the early lead and employing the counter-attacking strategy to bait Ishkaa.
The result? 2-1! Salaar goes forward, Ishkaa goes out, albeit with astonishing grace even in defeat. We surely can learn a lot from her and will look forward to have her around next time!

MATCH F: (NOT SO) DELICATE THINGS (Dua^ vs Cupid)

I was confused before the match. As time came i got goosebumps… but slowly, gradually i became normal, by thought that its part of game… win or loss! And since I was supported by Exquisite, Raheel nd IshKaa, it was good. No matter i loss or win, my friends were with me to support me!

dua^, recollecting her experiences from the Match against Cupid

Isn’t it cute and heart warming? 🙂 But despite all the pleasantries, dua^ and Cupid had to fight to the death, for that’s the name of the game!

Well, as much as anybody’s guess, Dua^ lost the match to Cupid, albeit after a competitive 1-1 in first two games, and going out in the final one.
But this one is more about respectful competitiveness by both players. And although only one could go forward, both most definitely have earned the respect of all the beholders.
Final Score: 2-1 to Cupid

MATCH G: DANCE OF THE DRAGONS (meow_ Vs. Mariam’)

I do not know about Mariam` as much as I’d like to, but from what I’ve seen from skill at UNO, I would find it safe to assume that she is a forced to be reckoned with! She thinks fast, she moves fast and before you know it, she has an Uno on you and you dont even hear the final shot that takes you down!
Meow’s reputation for carnage precedes her! She is an explosive personality with a purple deadlier than working end of a German made fully automated gatling gun.. like I said, sheer CARNAGE!!
It was truly a match between two ferocious dragons, no wonder it went down to the wire. But the onus was on mariam` to prevail, given her proven pedigree in Uno… and she did not disappoint!
With 1-1 after first two games, Meow’s luck ran out but it was an honorable end of a mythical contest between two champions!
Final Score: 2-1 to Mariam`

MATCH H: THE WOLF & THE LION (ProdigY vs. Simbaa)

A match between ProdiGy and Simbaa was more like Civil war, with both men representing the “inner circles” of #Bahawalpur, this definitely is a win-win, or a lose-lose, basing on your perspective.
My intel reports that there was a stalemate at 1-1 with Prodigy just proving a bit stronger in the final game and nailing a berth in the next round!
Final Score: 2-1 to ProdigY

MATCH I: CLASH OF THE TITANS (Dionysus Vs. Ir0nmaiden)

This match, judging by the contestants’ apparent poise and vigor, was a “divine” battle of grits, between two deities!
Dionysus, as per Greek Mythology, was the g*d of wine, ritual madness and lust; a reputation befitting that of Dionysus of IRC, lol
Whereas the Iron Maiden, in the 19th century, was the most consummate machine of torture if slow death and eternal suffering was the intent. Iron Maiden was also a deity as per the Norse mythology.
With the burden of DIVINE reputation resting upon their shoulders, the match between Dionysus and IronMaiden was destined to be a ready-made epic!

The Final Score: 2-1 after the IronMaiden thundered to a final round technical knockout victory!

MATCH J: BATTLE OF THERMOPYLAE  (Dauntless Vs. Anaarkali)

The battle of Thermopylae was fought in 480 BC when the 300 soldiers of King Leonidas set out to defend the Hot Gates of Thermopylae (Greece) against the monster army of the god king Xerxes II of Persia.
The brave 300 Greeks held the Hot Gates for 7 days, against the Persian army of over 1 million strong, in one of history’s most valiant and famous last stands… after which their rear guard was compromised because of a traitor and all of the 300 Greek hoplites were annihilated. But the history remembers them for their bravery… and sacrifice in protection of their Spartan Code of “No retreat, No Surrender…”

The stage was set last night, to relive the great sacrifice of the 300… when Dauntless, outnumbered & friendless, just like Leonidas… set out to defend his turf against Anaarkali, with the entire IRC monster army behind her back!
Death was inevitable, even before the start of the contest… but Dauntless had to give homage of blood to his soldiers.. to Kitab, who was the only soldier to muster the courage of putting her life in harms way, in defense of THE Dauntless!!

His helmet was stifling, it narrowed his vision, for he must see far. His shield was heavy, it threw him off balance, and his target was far away…
And so he fell… giving testimony to his nick name… sending the world of IRC world into a state of absolute pandemonium. Minions of Anaarkali turned out in numbers, rejoicing the demise of dauntless, the tournament’s final hope of justice! They rejoice today! But they do not know what beast Dauntless’ absence has let loose upon this mortal earth… They will miss him, when Anaarkali’s scourge will engulf the world into eternal darkness… they will miss him, when the rains will weep o`ver their halls….

Ok.. so anyway… As tempted as I am to use all my considerable power of journalism to undermine this victory of Anaarkali, the truth is that all of the aforementioned metaphors are a pile of pig-shit, lmao! Anaarkali won fair and square… 2-0 was the final score and the context was over within first 10 minutes, leaving me in an utterly disjoint state of acute identity crises, KEK! However, I did NOT know I had to play the 3rd match as well as the contest was over at 2-0. But i am game for the 3rd match, whenever Anaarkali is! 😉

Oh and also, there is a dare I have to fulfill, which I expect to match my usually audacious display of simile and metaphor, DO NOT disappoint me, ladies!

What an absolute trailblazer of a first round! Kudos to all the winners. But this is hardly a time for any winner to rest on his/her laurels, as we are already set for a mouth watering Round 2, fixtures of which you can see as follows:

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